Mental Floss brings us 10 Alternate Versions of “A Visit from St. Nicholas”
My two favorites are this one from Dave Barry
‘Twas the night before Christmas.
Or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever religious holiday your particular family unit celebrates at this time of year via mass retail purchases
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except Dad, who was stirring his third martini
In a losing effort to remain in a holiday mood
As he attempted to assemble a toy for his 9-year-old son, Bobby
It was a highly complex toy
A toy that Dad did not even begin to grasp the purpose of
A toy that cost more than Dad’s first car
A toy that was advertised relentlessly on TV with a little statement in the corner of the TV screen that said “SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED”
Which was like saying that the Titanic sustained “some water damage”
and this one, the Cajun Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, an’ all t’ru de house,
Dey don’t a t’ing pass, not even a mouse.
De chirren been nezzle good snug on de flo’,
An’ Mama pass de pepper t’ru de crack on de do’.
Den Mama in de fireplace done roas’ us de ham,
Stir up de gumbo, an’ make de baked yam.
Den out on de bayou dey got such a clatter… Make soun’ like old Boudreaux done fall off his ladder.